That 'Special' Feeling

Being a first time father is an experience that is hard to explain to people. The past few weeks before our baby Ilhan was born have been extremely challenging. Juggling between office 

commitments, relocating to a new country, moving house, not to mention having a baby on the 

way, is not a walk in the park. It takes a toll on you both physically and mentally.

However, when you stack all this up to being in a delivery room, 'the problems of the world' that i faced earlier seem to melt away. I will forever remember ever so clearly the longest 14 hours of my life. I will always remember the conversation i had with my wife at the early hours as we entered the hospital; we talked about how the future would be like and we went through the names we had in mind in order to distract ourselves from the inevitable and in-avertable. I will always remember the moment when both my wife and i sought each other’s forgiveness just before we entered the labour room. It was a hard reality pill to swallow as what we were about to face was a real life and death situation. As the tears streamed down our faces, i could recall that it was one of the scariest moments of my life. At that moment of time, i was hit by the reality that i could lose my wife. I thank my parents and my teachers for instilling in me to trust God and his plans even at testing times like this.

It was definitely a test of character as well as teamwork when i had to see my wife go through child labour. I have never seen my wife turn so blue when the delivery team asked her to push through the immense pain. I have never seen such calm and collectiveness in the form of the nurses, midwives, and doctors whom were present. Despite never having gone through such an experience before, i was proud to be there every step of the way.

I remember when Ilhan came out, her eyes were wide open and her hands were moving frantically ,yet she was quiet. In the seconds before she screamed and introduced herself to the world, the situation around us was so quiet that you could actually hear a pin drop and cut the tension with a knife. But when we heard her for the first time, the feeling of relief swept over us like a gush of much needed fresh air.

Cutting the umbilical cord of your child is an amazing experience. It is a rite of passage and stamp of responsibility for the fathers who get the opportunity. It felt like a sense of responsibility naturally taking place on my shoulder and the problems that i had faced in office a few days earlier seemed insignificant all together at that moment of time. Now, when i hold my daughter in my arms, i feel a sense of completeness; a sense that despite all the wrongs that i have done, i actually did something right. However, i do realise that having a child is a huge responsibility. To tell you the truth, i am nervous right now but i am excited for the future, so bring on the responsibility.

Happy Family